Watercooler Blog

To Know and Be Known

Sat, 22 Oct 2011 17:09:00-0700

In his last visit with Steve Jobs, biographer Walter Isaacson asked Jobs, a characteristically private person, why he had revealed so much of himself to Isaacson over the last few years. Isaacson writes that Jobs responded with, “I wanted my kids to know me. I wasn’t always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did.” [More]

Dads - What you can teach your daughters this Valentine's Day

Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:56:00-0700

For most of us dads who are raising daughters, we have an understanding of the important role that we as men have in guiding the positive and healthy development of our daughters. Sometimes, however, we overlook the important role a daughter can play in the development of a man.

I had always thought of myself as a “good guy” – the kind of guy who treated women with respect, valued my platonic friendships with women and stood up for women’s rights. However, in 2005 when my daughter, Luna was born that all changed. The moment this amazing little girl came into my life it upped the ante on everything. As I cradled her tiny body next to my bare chest I was excited and hopeful for the life that lay ahead of her, but also nervous and scared because I knew of the challenges she would undoubtedly face growing up female in our society. [More]

Media Literacy and Domestic Violence

Fri, 01 Oct 2010 16:27:00-0700

Dads, have you seen the newly released video by hip-hop superstars Eminem and Rihanna, Love the Way You Lie? Chances are that if you haven't, your teen son or daughter has as the video has now eclipsed 100 million views on YouTube and the duo was recently voted best live performance at MTV’s VMA Awards. [More]

Not Perfect, Yet Amazing

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 11:17:00-0700

Margaret J. Meeker, M.D., author of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, starts her first chapter as a call for good men. She asks men give “all their strength and wit” because they are the ones above all others that set the course for their daughters. [More]

ONE TEAM-ONE HEART-ONE LOVE=ONE MOVEMENT

Mon, 24 May 2010 23:34:00-0700

I went to Yeardley Love’s funeral with my 22 year-old son. The University of Virginia (UVA) lacrosse player was murdered earlier this month apparently at the hands of a former boyfriend. My son, a college lacrosse player, was friends with Yeardley, her accused murderer and many of the players on the UVA lacrosse teams. Sitting next to him, I could feel him trying to process his conflicted emotions surrounding the tragedy, compounded by knowing both the victim and the victimizer. The young men sitting around me sobbed and sniffled. At one point I turned to a distraught young man and asked him if I could give him a hug. I was surprised at the strength and endurance of his hug as he held onto me seeking comfort and, I suspect, affirmation of his emotions and manhood. As he let go he said “thank you” without ever looking at me. Here lies part of the problem and a solution to the epidemic of violence women experience every day in my home state of Maryland, Colorado and the rest of the country. [More]

Simple Rituals That Nourish The Soul - A Message To Non-Custodial Fathers

Wed, 07 Apr 2010 22:14:00-0700

The other day my daughter, Luna and I were picking up a few groceries on our way home. As I was at the checkout a woman from the bakery rolled out a cart with hot, fresh loaves of bread. Luna asked if we could get one and I motioned for her to run over and request a loaf. Luna proudly came back with the warmest loaf in the batch. As we rolled out of the parking lot heading for home the two of us eagerly tore off hunks of warm bread, popping them into our mouths. Luna was particular to the doughy center and I the flakey crust. [More]

The Tattoo Dadvocate

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 17:26:00-0700

It’s high noon on December 12th and the Special Needs Dadvocate is sitting in a tattoo joint. Actually it’s pretty nice tattoo joint aptly named Faith Tattoo in Golden, CO. No I’m not going through a mid-life crisis, I’m here to support my 18-year-old son Cody. He has his two best buds here to experience his first tattoo, so he doesn’t need me to be here, but, and this is the cool part, he wanted me here! Cody has been planning this piece of art for months, actually years. The tattoo he chose was…wait; let me back up a little. [More]

The "New Normal" In Marriage

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:01:00-0700

“Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us together today.” Okay guys, what movie is that line from? Who guessed The Princess Bride? Dads, if you haven’t seen The Princess Bride, stop reading and go watch the movie right now! Get over the title; it’s not a chick-flick. There are swords, pirates, women and fights to the death, revenge, and true love! Yes, true love and marriage. Real men need to remember how to fight for true love and marriage, no matter how tough things get. [More]

The Man in the Mirror: The Invisibility of Privilege in Class, Race and Gender

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 12:23:00-0700

At the recent Fatherhood Training in Denver we discussed the issue of minorities and “white privilege” as it pertains to fatherhood. During the discussion I postulated that the fatherless epidemic had more to do with how much money you made than the color of your skin. That it boiled down to more of a matter of class than race. Well, I now believe I was wrong.

What if the notion of privilege really had more to do with the cultural stories we tell and the way these messages affect our view of ourselves and our place in the world than it does with how rich your great grandpa was? It wasn’t until just recently that I figured this out – that the proverbial light bulb came on so to speak. It happened when I stumbled across a video lecture by Michael Kimmel, sociologist, author, and pro-feminist. [More]

More Than a Few Good Men - Jackson Katz Workshop Review

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 13:46:00-0700

I recently attended a workshop presented by Jackson Katz entitled “More Than a Few Good Men: Strategies for Inspiring Men and Boys to be Allies in Gender Violence Prevention”. Jackson Katz is one of the leading national figures in prompting men to take a stand against gender violence. He engages men through a variety of mediums as a documentarian (check out his ground breaking first film, Tough Guise, which explores issues of masculinity in the media), an author, a public speaker, and collaborator in the Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) Program. [More]

Thoughts From A Special Needs Dadvocate

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:45:00-0700

Hey dads, have you ever had a fleeting thought or maybe even daydreamed about life without your child with special needs? I have. I know I’m not the only dad out there who has ever “thought the thought”, because I’ve talked to other parents, dads and moms, who admit that they have, and still do on occasion, wonder what their lives would be like if … [More]

What I like most about working with dads

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 10:07:00-0700

What I like most about working with dads is learning what it’s been like to walk in their shoes. As a fatherhood advocate I hear the successes they’ve had and the challenges they’ve encountered. By better understanding their life circumstances, I can strongly advocate for their needs. I’ve asked the dads that I work with both through one on one case management and in group settings if they would prefer a male advocate. They unanimously respond that they are grateful that there is help available and that they don’t care what gender is providing them assistance. The group members express that they appreciate a woman’s perspective and the respect I give each of them as it relates to the way group is facilitated. I’ve been told that I allow them to own their fatherhood group. [More]

What Do You Love Most About Working With Fathers?

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 11:32:00-0700

Watching fathers acknowledge and change non-nurturing behaviors and seeing children respond quickly to those changes is a key factor in the work being done at Aurora Mental Health Center’s “Nurturing Fatherhood” program. Our program has only been up and running for four weeks and these changes are already evident. [More]

What Being a Dad Means to Me

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 15:46:00-0700

The responsibility of raising my daughter with a commitment to consistency, unconditional love, dedication, guidance and being a good listener is the most important decision I have made in my life. I understand that my decisions, attitude, and love have a profound influence in how my child will ultimately make her own decisions throughout life. I travel throughout the year and when we share those precious moments together it’s quite obvious to me that my influences good or bad have an impact on how she anticipates and processes daily choices. [More]

The Prince of Frog Town - Book Review

Wed, 28 May 2008 16:53:00-0700

The Prince of Frog Town by Rick Bragg, a Pulitzer Prize writer, is a story of a troubled father and his impact on his three sons- all shaped by this father in a tragic, unintended way.

This is not a white-washed, sanitized version of a rambling drunk who neglects and destroys his family and then is redeemed in the end. It is rather the story of the impact of a young father who battles his own demons in the presence of wide-eyed little boys. During these formative years he crashes in and out of their lives. There is no happy ending. [More]