It’s high noon on December 12th and the Special Needs Dadvocate is sitting in a tattoo joint. Actually it’s pretty nice tattoo joint aptly named Faith Tattoo in Golden, CO. No I’m not going through a mid-life crisis, I’m here to support my 18-year-old son Cody. He has his two best buds here to experience his first tattoo, so he doesn’t need me to be here, but, and this is the cool part, he wanted me here! Cody has been planning this piece of art for months, actually years. The tattoo he chose was…wait; let me back up a little.

I married Cody’s mom when he was 3-years-old, almost 4, his older sisters were 5 and 6. I called them my chia-pet family, just add water and poof! A family of 5. Emily, the oldest was gifted and talented; she could count and say her ABC’s when she was just 18 months old. Holly, the middle sister, was born with special needs that would become more and more involved as she grew. Then there’s the Codeman! I think I started calling Cody the Codeman within weeks of meeting him.

A quick bio on the Codeman, he’s a climber! Before he was 5 he would get stuck in the chimney - props to the fire department! Codeman would greet us at home while sitting in the rim of the 10-foot basketball hoop and climb the wall at church – literally.The Codeman and I became best buds. He started calling me Dad even before his mom and I were married.When he would climb up on the roof, I’d hold my arms out and tell him to jump down. He’d jumped into my arms every time with absolutely no hesitation. o him, and these are my words, I was the strongest, fastest, coolest Dad around.I could throw the football farther than any Dad and he could catch it. I was a hero – I was his Dad! But Cody’s last name was different than mine, as were his sisters, and he was more aware and confused.His biological father, by choice, was not part of the kids’ lives. Cody started asking questions about changing his name when he was about 10. By the time he was 13 he was adamant that his name be changed because he had been using my last name on his school papers and a couple teachers would not accept his work without his legal last name. He would not go to High School without his name - the name he felt was his, was mine. He wanted me to adopt him and make it legal because I was his Dad. His mom and I promised that he would be adopted before he entered high school. I’m sad to say that it took a little longer than anticipated to go through the adoption process. His biological dad was hurt, but eventually he willingly gave his consent. On June 12th, 2006, the Codeman legally became Cody Forlenza! I can’t explain how proud it made me feel that he chose me. I also can’t explain the sadness I felt for his biological father. Had the tables been turned it would have devastated me.

So here I am in the Faith Tattoo shop watching as the Codeman’s tattoo evolves. What? He’s done already? Cody stood up, looked at me and turned around to show me his new tattoo. There, boldly tattooed across his wide, muscular shoulders was - FORLENZA – our last name. I got emotional, “I can’t believe you chose that tattoo, that name”, I said. I asked him why he chose to brand himself with our name. He smiled and said that he wanted to “Rep it”. I think that means that Cody is proud of who he is and wants people to remember that his last name is our name. Cody will “rep” our name for the rest of his life. He will add his own unique experiences to our name, then pass it on to his own sons and daughters. How they “Rep it” depends on the kind of Dad he will be.

Dads would your kids, with or without special needs, choose your name? Would they “rep it” with pride?

Do something today that would make your kids want to Rep your most important name – Dad.

Peace,
The Special Needs Dadvocate
Scott Forlenza