I recently wrote an article on the need for administrators of fatherhood programs to establish honest, sustainable relationships with the fathers they serve and within the past two weeks I have received many positive, thoughtful responses. I thank the newspapers and online publishers for reprinting the piece and hope that many more are to come. Salut!

One of the respondents, in particular, asked me for my position on the father's responsibility in accessing programs to "become a better dad" - a valid question indeed! And to that inquiry I wish to share what I coin the "Creating Commitment Model", one that I instruct on extensively in my trainings. This model entails four (4) key elements:

1. Benefit to the client (the "profit");
2. Shared experience (the "glue"),
3. Faith in obtaining desired outcome (the "trust"), and
4. Practicality (the "how" and "now").

We all have reasons why we do what we do, and the strongest of these is that we want to profit from our activities. We give to charity because it makes us feel good. We go to the fridge to please our palettes. We take walks on the beach to experience serenity and to relax. We choose mates for mental/physical/spiritual support and companionship. This is not to frame humanity in a hedonistic context, yet it is an observable truth that everything we do is for profit on some level.

In addition, successful fatherhood programs are needs-based and not solely academic or philosophical. Most of the participants have specific concerns and issues that they need rectified (according to the needs assessments), and the programs that address these needs are deemed valuable by the fathers. And here I must reiterate that these needs are determined by the fathers, because contrary to popular opinion most fathers access these programs for counsel, options and insight on what is perceived as a biased system (according to the surveys). They are not there to merely "talk" about the problem - they want solutions (the "get 'er done" ethos). Programs that provide this service will fulfill needs, provide benefits and establish trust.

Furthermore, successful programs are practical. The workshops, trainings or meetings aren't conducted in mid-day, the times when fathers are working. They are on weekends or weeknights, which facilitates optimal energy and complements attention to detail and fruitful participation. Any activity that cannot be implemented into one's current life situation and/or does not "enhance" in a measurable way is doomed to fail - especially if the activity is predominately subjective ( i.e., worksheets, pen-and-pad assessments, role-plays, ice-breakers, etc.). The aforementioned are only a part of the total picture, and we all know that micro-managing a project produces undesirable results. The desired outcome is the meat and potatoes, for it is human nature to profit from endeavors, and tailoring programs to this end will ensure its success. Lastly, programs have to be affordable - the imposition of fees of any sort seals its fate.

We are in a new age; a new era. We are also at odds with each other in a multitude of ways. Religious. Political. Race. Gender. Familial. And I dare to say that it is our divisions that are to blame for the current "state of our union". And though I am a supporter of "special interests", I fervently disdain the selfishness, greed and propagation of agendas that do not support the whole of society. We are in this together. It is a marriage of ideas, values and perspectives - and the one thing that keeps us committed to such a marriage is shared benefits and experience, faith and practicality. We will either rise together, or fall as one.