Fastbreak for Fathers

Check out our links for Moms!

Fri, 11 May 2012 14:04:00-0700

We may be a fatherhood site but one of our best-kept secrets is our page for moms! Follow this link for almost 20 interactive websites for moms including Mile High Mommas, Moms Like Me, and Amazing Moms. [More]

Talking About Sex

Fri, 04 May 2012 15:57:00-0700

The newest polling data released by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy in conjunction with the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy (May 2nd) shows that teens say parents most influence their decisions about sex. In fact, 87% of teens say it would be much easier for them to postpone sex and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations about these topics with their parents. [More]

Screen-Free?

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:02:00-0700

With technology allowing nearly 24-hour media access as children and teens go about their daily lives, the amount of time young people spend with entertainment media has risen dramatically, especially among minority youth, according to a study by the Kaiser Family Foundation. Today, 8-18 year-olds devote an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes (7:38) to using entertainment media across a typical day (more than 53 hours a week). And because they spend so much of that time ‘media multitasking’ (using more than one medium at a time), they actually manage to pack a total of 10 hours and 45 minutes (10:45) worth of media content into those 7½ hours. [More]

Batter Up Dad!

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 15:04:00-0700

I never was much of a baseball player but some of my best memories with dad are playing catch in the backyard. You don’t have to be a baseball player or even a fan to appreciate the movie Field of Dreams or learn something from the game of baseball. One of my favorite books on fathering is a simple 100 or so page paperback by Jack Petrash called Covering Home: Lessons on the art of fathering from the game of baseball. [More]

A New Beginning

Wed, 16 Nov 2011 10:28:00-0700

When a child is born each parent is confronted with both amazement and worry. Amazement at the new life that they had a huge hand in creating and worry about the responsibility that it thrusts upon them.

Life is precious, being responsible to nurture and protect life gives one's life purpose. To parents the birth of the child is also a birth of a new vocation; parenthood. In over 30 years of working with families I have never met one person that didn't want to do well for their children, but I have met many that somehow got crooked with this desire and somehow became alienated to the very core of their purpose.

The Promoting Responsible Fatherhood grant has ended, with over 6,000 fathers being served by a group of dedicated men and women across the state. The common trait of each of these individuals was the desire to either improve or get back what they had somehow got crooked with - many were triumphant, while some are still struggling.

Another element to this story is that the children are always affected. In not one case where the father is not present does a child not long for a relationship with them, not one. It is a connective need for parent and child that lasts a lifetime.

If you are a parent or a child reading this, that has found this connection hard to obtain, don't give up, look toward the finding help from the programs this grant mentioned here helped to create or grow. Always seek a new beginning - for the sake of meeting the most amazing vocation of all - that of being a parent and that of being a child of a parent who loves you.

The Most Important Thing . . .

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 14:49:00-0700

OK dads, be honest, have you ever let your desire to watch a football game, go fishing, or not miss that poker game get in the way of being with your child?

My children are out of our house now, and I have been able to reflect upon when they were living with us. I am amazed how I was so unaware of time passing by; it was as if I thought they would always be around, always with us. With this mindset, it was easy for me to get caught up in a book I was reading, or a televised game, all the while not recognizing the golden opportunity to instead interact with my two children.

Now, I must warn you, don’t be that guy – put your child or children first – there will be plenty of times when, after they are gone, you can read that book or watch that game. You have the responsibility and, more importantly, the opportunity to teach your child what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely and good about life.

Seize the moment, as it is very fleeting!

Children need you to read with them, to learn from, to play with, and to build their confidence and self esteem – don’t let them down.

The most important thing, and the message of this website is simple – be there for your kids!

The Birthday

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 10:17:00-0700

My son was born on September 13th, just four minutes before being September 14th - he was so beautiful then and always.

In the 20 birthdays we celebrated with him, his last was the most memorable. Previous birthdays included the usual attempts to please, Case Bonita, laser tag, rock climbing, horse back riding etc. But the last one was a simple meal, kind conversation and all celebrated with a simple joy of being in the presence someone special.

What a child needs for their birthday is a show of caring and love from their parents. True, gifts and creating parties is a sign of this - but what is truly wanted is the warm smile, gentle hug and exciting proclamation of "happy birthday!"

I will no longer be able to celebrate my son's birthday with him here on this earth, but still will celebrate him with a show of caring and love, a warm smile and a now very long spiritual hug. This year he would have been 22 - a vibrant age.

When it is your child's birthday, please don't take their being here for granted, and most of of all, celebrate with a swell of the heart for the gift you were given.

Learning What is Possible

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 08:33:00-0700

Offering fathers assistance with their quest to be better fathers, or to just have a chance to be a father is a fairly new proposition. One person’s view is to question why a father would even be in a position to be estranged from their children, while another’s view is to consider the situation as simply reality of where they are, regardless of the reason.

I believe the latter view is about second chances, about a father maturing and realizing what is important to them; their children. Here is the reality – a child is born to a couple that often may have good intentions but are not financially stable and/or stable in other aspects of their lives, rendering them suspect in their capability to jointly raise a baby. Their relationship is shaky, their understanding of child rearing in negligible.

Fortunately for the mom programs have long existed to assist them financially and programmatically to become more economically stable. Programs such as the Nurse Family Partnership, Temporary Aid to Children with Families, Medicaid, Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) programs and Food Assistance are rightfully in place to help low income participations. Some fathers have become eligible for these programs, as awareness of their needs has been on the increase, but, not being the custodial in most cases, the fathers are often left out, even though they mirror the custodian party (usually the mom) in education, work skills and income levels.

The “Be There for Your Kids” campaign has brought forth a message of the importance of fathers in the lives of their children, with research showing father absence as a huge negative to child development. The programs enrolled in the promoting responsible fatherhood grant (which also supports this website) has taken over 5,000 fathers into their programming to help fathers navigate through child support and visitation issues, learn about parenting and co-parenting, and assist with building job skills and employment. The results have shown signicant increases in child support payments and private health insurance coverage for their children and increased parenting awareness of children’s needs, and the increased awareness of the importance of parenting collaboratively with the mom or other guardian of their children. Also post analysis shows fathers completing the programs have more self worth and sense of purpose.

All this said, the grant mentioned above is ending in September. The truly committed programs are all engaged in their communities to the point that some continuing funding is being offered in most cases, with a continual look for more funding to help fathers.

Engaged fathers save tax payer money overall by supporting their families and becoming better fathers. And, a surprise twist has found them also becoming mentors for other fathers and better citizens, as they desire to become positive role models for their kids.

Summer With Dad

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 08:35:00-0700

Each summer my dad, who was born and raised in Crested Butte would take my brothers and me to his home town. I learned to fish there, to skip a rock on a lake, and to shoot a rifle. I even sneaked a swig from a cigar there when I was 10.

At the time I had no idea how those trips completed me in a manner of experiences what was then commonplace, but is now harder to accomplish.

With my children, our summer days involved many structured events, watching a fireworks display (rather than lighting our own as was my experience) and still enjoying outings and grilling.

I spoke to my daughter recently and she commented how important and precious her summer days with me were to her, and you know what? Those days are now just as precious to me as they are to her, those are the memories that sustain me.

For those that glance at these words, please comment on what memories or plans you have about your father or being a father during the long, warm days of summer.

Father's Day 2011

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 08:51:00-0700

In 1910, Sonora Smart from Spokane Washington, proposed a celebration of fathers be held on June 5th of each year, her father's (a Civil War veteran) birthday. In 1972, then President Richard Nixon formally made Father's Day a nationally recongized day to be held on the 3rd Sunday of June.

As we celebrate fathers this year we are highly aware of the importance of fathers in the positive, or negative, development of children. We know one in three children will wake up on fathers day not even knowing their biologicial father, either in name or due to a permanent absence. We also know, however, that more and more fathers are great fathers. This very website sees thousands of visitors each month. In Colorado, the fatherhood programs set up all over Colorado has served over 5,000 fathers in the past four and a half years. In all of these instances these basic truths about good fathering has been brought forth:

1. Presence - A three-part process involving father engagement, availability and responsibility in their relationship to their child(ren)

2. Cooperative Parenting - Fathers, mothers and other caregivers all working together to support the child(ren)'s optimal development, and

3. Healthy Living - Providing a role model through healthy lifestyle, education and appropriate social behaviors that teach work and personal ethics, as well as social norms, to help children grow to become happy and productive members of society.

Celebrating fathers that do right for their children is to celebrate such a basic duty, but a very, very important one.

Children of Parents Lost to War - a Memorial Day Thought

Thu, 12 May 2011 12:58:00-0700

America’s sons and daughters traditionally fight our Nation’s wars. Recently, however, an unprecedented number of those sons and daughters are also moms and dads. In the recent Iraq war, Scripps Howard News reported over 1,600 children lost at least one parent, with half of those children being under ten years of age. The fact is our military has had an increasing reliance on reserve troops in combat roles, U.S. soldiers of late tend to be older and have more children.

According to a New York Times article on the subject the violence of a father’s death, and its public nature, can be especially troublesome for children. "It's a traumatic grief that is highly publicized," said Linda Goldman, a grief specialist. "Dad was murdered in a public way. This heightens the sense of trauma because it never goes away."

The children's mothers say the deaths have had expected repercussions, like plummeting grades and mood swings. But they have also seen unexpected reactions. Madison Swisher, 8, who sleeps in her father's T-shirt, is afraid of loud noises; her dad died in Iraq from an improvised bomb. She and her younger brother talk a lot about bombs in general. They call the Iraqis the "bad guys" and are afraid the bad guys will arrive any minute.

Several mothers said they worried that their children's hero worship, a healthy balm in the beginning, could turn problematic if they tried to follow in their fathers' footsteps.

Teenagers, in particular, have trouble adjusting. Scott Rentschler, 14, was living on a military base in Germany when his father, Staff Sgt. George Rentschler, was killed in Iraq in 2004 by a rocket-propelled grenade. His life, Scott said, "is a roller coaster." Scott's grandmother, Lillian Rentschler, said that moving off a military base was difficult for him, and that society and schools make few allowances for children in their second year of grief. "People think he should be all fixed up," Ms. Rentschler said.

Parents and mentors say they try to help the children stay connected to their fathers and grieve in intimate ways, far from the public eye. They post photographs all over the house, make teddy bears out of their dads' shirts and encourage them to write letters.

Eddie Murphy, 10, whose father, Maj. Edward Murphy, 36, died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan in April 2005, did just that one day at grief camp. "Summer is coming up," he wrote to his father. "It won't be the same without you. You won't believe it but I'm in Washington." He signed off: "I love you. Hi to Heaven." Abraham Lincoln once said, "War at the best is terrible." For the children of those lost to war this cannot be truer. Gradually a child begins to grasp death as an inevitable part of life and begin to retain the best and happiest memories they had with their lost parent. The letters sent home, the pictures and the everlasting bond of a child to a parent never leaves.

Is an abusive father worse than an absent father?

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 11:51:00-0700

Have you ever thought about what your life would have been like if you didn't have a father, or perhaps, if you had a different father?

A father presence has led to many statistical studies that certainly indicate that a father brings income, discipline, humor and much more into a child's life, while no father leads to dire statistics of higher poverty and more negative outcomes for children. But this isn't to say the presence of an abusive father is better - this is more to say a positive father brings positive child outcomes. The question becomes is an abusive father better than no father? I believe the answer is no - an abusive father, that doesn't change, is far worse.

Consider that an abusive fathering leads to children growing into adults that have a difficult time forming long lasting relationships due to lack of trust in others and an inability to love, studies also indicate this trust factor affects the ability to hold onto jobs long term. Abuse also hampers self esteem and if the abuse is sexual in nature it leads to a feeling of shame and the carrying of a stigma that is life long. Studies also indicate that an abusive parent increases alcohol and drug addiction in the children, as they attempt to alleviate the painful thoughts of being abused.

Why this is being mentioned here is due to April being Child Abuse Prevention Month. Any who may chance upon these words may pause to think about if they do any sort of abuse to their children, no matter how small, from a simple name call, to physical abuse. Perhaps you know someone who is being abusive and want to intercede?

Our children deserve the best - lets make sure our communities assure they get it.

My Daughter

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 13:29:00-0700

She was almost born on Valentine’s Day; actually it was 7:11 a.m. on the 15^th of February when she entered the world and completely changed my world. My daughter is now 23, but each time I see her the same feelings of that first moment still emerge from my heart. It is combined feeling of joy, pride, fulfillment, thankfulness, and humility, mixed with desires to protect and help.

Each day she lived at home found me excited to wake up and see her (and later along with my son), and to come home from work to help with homework or simply to have our dinners together and play. Children become central to your joy and purpose in life (I challenge anyone to tell me otherwise).

Daughters, do in fact, as my experience proves, have an innate ability to wrap their father around their finger and find ways to get a dad to do things for them. Proof to this point is when my, then ice skating champion to be, had me buying skates for her that were twice what I had planned. Of course, watching her skate made it all worthwhile, but darn if I would of bought those skates at the price for anyone else.

When my wife, son and I dropped off our daughter at her college of choice it was a dark day for me, I found myself literally unable to breath. I recall, previous to that day, driving her to the college orientation, four hours from our home, only to find we were one day to early, so we had to go home and repeat that trip the next day. But, instead of being angry, I was actually so happy to be able to spend all that time with her before the emptiness she left in our home descended upon us.

Now, my daughter, wife and I now share the loss of our son/ brother together. Luckily, it is my daughter, that has always brought joy to us, that still brings joy. Without her I know I would not be able to go on. All those many feelings she stirred from the moment of her birth are still there and provide a balance of sweetness to the bitterness life recently brought to us.

My son once, in a rare moment of anger, told my daughter she is a “butt in the pain” – but I now tell him, “no, she is a light in the pain,” and I find him agreeing.

Fathers be kind to your daughters, they then will turn to be blessings during the darkness that life often brings.

Quote, Unquote

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 00:00:00-0700

Thoughts to ponder,

Kent Nerburn
It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
George Herbert
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
Chinese Proverb
If a son is uneducated, his dad is to blame.

and for those dads with older sons or daughters,

Harry S Truman
I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

Be There

A New Year

Tue, 28 Dec 2010 14:37:00-0700

We all are confronted with the question "what is my purpose?" Finding a place in the reality we are confronted with is often perplexing. This was the case for me, until our children entered the world. It became clear to me my purpose was to become the best father possible. To provide for them, to teach them, as I was taught, and to protect them and then; to wonder at their beauty and growth into adulthood.

With the new year upon us, it is a good time to reflect on how our parenting in 2010 fared? What worked, what can we improve upon? For me it was bittersweet. Bitter that my 20 year old son, who was (is) so amazing, so beautiful, died suddenly from bacterial meningitus - the worst disease imaginable. Sweet in that his memory lives on, his spirit still engulfs me - sustains me through the grief. Sweet also is that I still have my daughter, who is now 23 and becoming a wonderful young adult; so independent and grounded.

This year I plan to honor my son through how I live my life and by sharing his wonderful memory with anyone willing to listen. I plan to be there for my daughter as she confronts her own searching for her life's purpose.

What is your story? Were are you with your child, or children? To me, having a family is the only game in town worth playing. If you are with me, if your children too are central to your purpose here on this Earth, then I think the new year will also find you asking yourself "how can I meet this purpose in a better and more constructive way. I would love to read any comments on your reflections in the comment section, it is important to me to confirm this hearfelt belief of purpose = parenting.

Best to you in 2011.